Trump Decries Lack Of U.S.-Made Products Lodged In American Rectums
WASHINGTON—Angrily claimings the populace had neglected its patriotic duty to support domestic manufacturing, President Donald Trump issued a statement Tuesday decrying the lack of U.S.-made products lodged in American rectums. “Sad how much cheap ‘Made in China’ GARBAGE is still being stuffed into people’s asses while Great American flashlight and curtain rod makers suffer,” Trump […]
PBS NewsHour Interrupted By Repo Men Seizing Desk
The post PBS NewsHour Interrupted By Repo Men Seizing Desk appeared first on The Onion. source
Sun-Maid Announces Girl In Logo Has Always Been Sentient Raisin Disguising Self In Human Flesh
FRESNO, CA—Revealing that all of the company’s customers have been seduced by a hidden monstrosity, Sun-Maid announced Tuesday that the girl in the company logo has always been a sentient raisin disguising itself in human flesh. “You’ve bought Sun-Maid raisins all these years thinking that was a kind young girl smiling back at you, but […]
U.S. Offers Semiconductors To China In Exchange For Holographic Charizard
WASHINGTON—Promising to lift export controls on AI chips if they received the rare first-edition trading card in return, U.S. trade negotiators reportedly offered China access to advanced semiconductors Tuesday in exchange for a holographic Charizard. “We’ll give you state-of-the-art Nvidia GPUs if you give us a PSA 10 Gem Mint holographic Charizard,” Treasury Secretary Scott […]
Couple Debates Ethical Implications Of Bringing Another Child Into This Bar
AUGUSTA, GA—Racked with guilt at the thought of making the wrong decision, local couple Anthony Wells and Katherine MacNaughton were reportedly debating on Tuesday the ethical implications of bringing another child into this bar. “There are already so many children in the World of Beer—is this really something we want weighing on our conscience?” said […]
Ask Dad
“If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”“One dollar.”“You don’t know your arithmetic.”“You don’t know my father!” Joke of the day – Ask Dad is the best Joke for Tuesday, 06 May 2025 from site A joke a day – Ask Dad. Funny joke of […]