Flight Flies Without Pilot For 10 Minutes After Copilot Faints
A Lufthansa flight with 205 people on board went without a pilot for 10 minutes last year after the copilot fainted while he was alone in the cockpit. What do you think? “Bet we could get to 20 minutes unmanned, easy.” Joshua Hinkle, Chant Writer “Lucky. I can never sleep through flights.” Ruth Mraz, Pork […]
Nadia Zafirovski
Nadia Zafirovski, 35, died in what was surely a coincidence Friday when she was struck by lightning while violently shaking her fist at the sky and cursing the name of Thor. The post Nadia Zafirovski appeared first on The Onion. source
Sure, If You’re An Unoriginal Hack
This newly renovated home has everything you need to move right in, including a loving Cantonese family ready to welcome you with open arms. Reference #41845 The post Sure, If You’re An Unoriginal Hack appeared first on The Onion. source
Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed
LIBERTY, MO—After reading aloud a picture book about a puppy that works in a coal mine, local first grade teacher Brianna Montgomery asked her students Thursday what they want to be once child labor laws are repealed. “I want everyone to grab some crayons and draw a picture of what you want to be once […]
Faithful Dog Refuses To Move From Spot Where He Killed Beloved Owner
MINNEAPOLIS—Moved by the animal’s unwavering devotion, sources confirmed Wednesday that local 4-year-old cocker spaniel Biscuit refused to move from the spot where he had killed his beloved owner. “What a unique bond they must have had,” said Janice Meyer, a neighbor of the deceased, explaining how the faithful dog had sat attentively on the blood-splattered […]
DHS Considers Reality Show Where Immigrants Compete For Citizenship
The Department of Homeland Security is considering a game show that would pit immigrants against each other for a chance at a fast-tracked path to citizenship. What do you think? “Paths to U.S. citizenship should only be going to Americans.” Gustavo Villagomez, Statistics Compiler “The golden age of prestige DHS-scripted content is over.” Barbie Falk, […]