ICE Releases Gavin Newsom Beheading Video
WASHINGTON—Disseminating grainy footage of the California Democrat meeting his disturbing and bloody end, Immigration and Customs Enforcement released a video Tuesday in which Gov. Gavin Newsom is seen being beheaded. “This is a message to the enemies of immigration enforcement: Gov. Newsom’s fate will be yours should you stand in the way of national purity,” […]
Ken Weathers and Timmie Sied
The happy couple’s wedding will be first come, first served and open to the public, so loved ones are encouraged to get there early. The post Ken Weathers and Timmie Sied appeared first on The Onion. source
DHS Chief: ‘We Are A Nation Of Immigrants Who Came Here Between 1776 And 1943’
The post DHS Chief: ‘We Are A Nation Of Immigrants Who Came Here Between 1776 And 1943’ appeared first on The Onion. source
Sailor Regrets Getting Married To The Sea So Young
NEW BEDFORD, MA—Wishing he had seen more of life before taking on such a big commitment, local sailor Marcus Haines told reporters Tuesday that he regretted getting married to the sea so young. “I was so captivated by those big blue waves that I never stopped to consider whether I was rushing into things with the […]
Navigation Gone Wild
I turned on the navigation device in the car and it began to flirt with me! Just then I realized I’d hit the wrong button and was listing to an audio book romance novel belonging to my wife. Joke of the day – Navigation Gone Wild is the best Joke for Tuesday, 10 June 2025 […]
CDC Publishes Female Body Hair Guidelines
ATLANTA—Stressing that the rules were formulated for the safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new guidelines Thursday governing female body hair. “Effective immediately, women nationwide are advised to remove all hair from arms, legs, underarms, and genital areas or suffer the legal consequences,” said CDC spokesperson Jamie Reardon, stressing that […]
The Onion’s Box Office Hits
The post The Onion’s Box Office Hits appeared first on The Onion. source
Tips For First-Time Hikers
Hiking can be an enjoyable way to achieve your exercise goals while spending quality time in nature. Here are The Onion’s tips for first-time hikers. Before heading into the wilderness, practice walking around and getting bored in your neighborhood. Carry a writing implement and paper for your heartbreaking last note. Don’t hike with anyone you’re […]