ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary
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The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Dakota Johnson
Dakota Johnson stars in Materialists, a new romance from director Celine Song. The Onion sat down with the actress to discuss love, ambition, and what’s next. The Onion: What drew you to Materialists? Johnson: I wanted a free trip to New York City. I’d never been before. It’s cute. The Onion: What was it like […]
Feud Poisoning
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Emma Harter and Brendan Welter
Bride and groom were wed Friday after realizing they both had a craving for a giant vanilla cake. The post Emma Harter and Brendan Welter appeared first on The Onion. source
Shell-Shocked Soldier Ant Has Thousand-Inch Stare
The post Shell-Shocked Soldier Ant Has Thousand-Inch Stare appeared first on The Onion. source
There’s No Such Thing As A Free Piggyback Ride
Every entitled freeloader these days thinks they can get something for nothing. Complimentary this, state-sponsored that, just so long as they’re not the ones who end up footing the bill. Well, I hate to break it to all the bums who might wish otherwise, but in this tit-for-tat world of ours, there’s no such thing […]
Study: More Single Millennials Settling For Parrot Who Can Dial 911
NEW YORK—Shedding light on the demographic shifts that have transformed the generation’s relationships, a Hunter College study published Monday revealed that more single millennials were settling for a parrot who could dial 911. “We’re finding that an increasing number of millennials are forgoing a serious romantic partner in favor of a cockatiel or macaw who can […]