What Are Our Dietary Restrictions?
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Fiona Blythewood and Dexter Van Horne
Van Horne married Blythewood Saturday, turning his bewitched household appliances back into humans. The post Fiona Blythewood and Dexter Van Horne appeared first on The Onion. source
Report: It Probably Fine That 5-Year-Old Just Whizzed By On Lyft Scooter
LOS ANGELES—Stressing that it wasn’t their problem and they certainly didn’t have the time or energy to investigate further, the authors of a report released Thursday found that it was probably fine that a 5-year-old just whizzed by on a Lyft scooter. “Nobody else on the street seems to be freaking out or anything, and look, […]
Man Returning From Near-Death Experience Recalls Angels Making Him Sign NDA
HOUSTON—Recounting the deeply spiritual event as one that was life-changing but contractually difficult to articulate, area man Kyle Hartsfield recalled angels asking him to sign a nondisclosure agreement following a near-death experience, sources confirmed Thursday. “It was incredible, and I really wish I could talk about it,” said Hartsfield, describing the series of events in […]
Texas Doctor Tapes Pregnancy Pamphlet To Comatose Woman’s Forehead
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