National Endowment For The Arts Lays Off 30,000 Muses

WASHINGTON—In a move the Trump administration claims will reduce government waste and remove redundancies from federally funded programs, the National Endowment for the Arts announced a sweeping round of layoffs Wednesday that terminated the employment of roughly 30,000 muses. “An independent audit of the NEA revealed a significant glut of unnecessary sources of inspiration, all of which are reliant on taxpayer funding,” read a statement from the White House addressing the cuts, which are said to include an additional 35% reduction in the ingenues, figure drawing models, and strikingly beautiful baristas currently providing full-time inspiration to the agency. “This unchecked creativity has gone on for far too long, and our independent audit of the agency found that the NEA can easily make do with a mere dozen muses. Under this new budget, American taxpayers will no longer be forced to foot the bill for the inflated levels of inspiration formerly enjoyed by lazy poets, novelists, and painters.” The statement went on to advocate for additional budget cuts that would eliminate the agency’s 10,000 superfluous copies of The Artist’s Way.