Bezos Wedding Guests Given Monogrammed Plastic Bottles To Urinate In During Ceremony

VENICE, ITALY—In a welcome bag filled with favors such as local chocolates, artisanal soaps, and scented candles, guests arriving for the wedding of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez this week were reportedly given monogrammed plastic bottles in which to urinate during the ceremony. “Because guests will be strictly prohibited from leaving the room at any time during the festivities, the couple have provided these custom-made bottles as a token of their appreciation.” wedding planner Lucia Contarini said as she showed off a makeshift urine receptacle emblazoned with the initials “J” and “L,” noting that it would be the only option available to attendees who did not wish to wet themselves when they inevitably needed to empty their long-held bladders. “We ask that guests also save some room in the bottle for the reception, because the groom has requested the dance floor be full at all times and no one will be permitted a bathroom break.” At press time, the dancing had been in progress for hours, and witnesses confirmed an exhausted Leonardo DiCaprio was completely drenched in urine and struggling to continue moving to the beat of “Uptown Funk.”