Civil War Reenactor Reminded This Not His Personal Fife Recital

GETTYSBURG, PA—Following a fourth chorus of “Kingdom Coming,” fellow participants sternly reminded local Civil War reenactor Christopher Geary that this was not his personal fife recital, frustrated sources confirmed Friday. “This is the Battle of Gettysburg, not the Christopher Geary Music Hour!” said Frank Mercer, 54, who portrayed Gen. George Meade and had already told Geary six times to stop playing while officers were addressing the soldiers. “Everyone’s impressed that you can do all those little trills, but it’s becoming a huge distraction. Today is about recreating a pivotal moment in American history, and one lone fife player shouldn’t be stealing the spotlight by playing as loudly as possible. Also, it’s pretty obvious you’re sneaking in folksy renditions of Weezer songs, so knock it off.” At press time, Geary was insisting that despite his character dying on the battlefield, he should still be allowed to play the fife as a ghost.