Give It Some Juice, Report Sources Fiddling Under Car Hood

RENO, NV—Switching out the torque wrench for something with a little more “oomph,” local sources fiddling under the car hood reportedly requested Monday that it be given some juice. “Come on now, rev ’er up good,” cylinder-block-examining sources said while wiping sweat from their brow with the back of a grease-smudged hand. “Keep goosing the throttle. She’s purring now. Hit it one more time—and I mean really hit it.” At press time, scowling sources were screaming “Turn the damn thing off!” after a cloud of black smoke began pouring out of the car’s engine.