An estimated 80 million Americans suffer from hair loss, including thinning and male pattern baldness. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding hair loss.
MYTH: Genetics are the main cause of hair loss.
FACT: Hair loss is most commonly caused by standing too close to an open flame.
MYTH: Hair loss is permanent.
FACT: For six easy payments of $1,200, nothing is permanent.
MYTH: Baldness is caused by too much testosterone.
FACT: Baldness is caused by too little hair.
MYTH: If your mom’s father is bald, you’ll be bald.
FACT: If your mom’s father ignores the feeble witch on the side of the road, you’ll be bald.
MYTH: Too much sun can lead to hair loss.
FACT: Hair needs soil, water, and sunlight to grow.
MYTH: Women aren’t attracted to bald men.
FACT: Every woman you’ve ever met is sexually aroused by Stanley Tucci.
