SAN DIEGO—Following a surprise restaurant raid Friday in which dozens of employees were taken into custody, witnesses reported that on top of everything else, the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents responsible for the violent arrests had the gall to leave a negative review. “It takes a lot of nerve to complain about slow service after kidnapping 75% of my staff,” said Benny Romero, the owner of Romero’s Bar and Grill, who described how the group of masked agents had burst into his establishment with weapons drawn, demanding an eight-top despite not calling ahead to notify the restaurant of their large party. “They left one star, claiming no one greeted them at the host stand with their immigration documents, but that’s only because they set off a flash bomb before walking in—in the middle of a lunch rush, mind you. I admit their food was a little cold by the time it got to the table, since all of the cooks had been forced into an unmarked van, but the servers would have gladly heated it up if someone had agreed to loosen their handcuffs. These entitled guests legitimately thought they didn’t have to pay just because one of the busboys resisted arrest.” At press time, an internal Homeland Security investigation had concluded the ICE agents followed the proper protocol for situations in which an order of enchiladas fails to arrive with sour cream.
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