Marines Raise American Flag Outside Cell Phone Store After Defeating Skateboarding Teenagers

LOS ANGELES—Triumphantly planting the pole firmly into the ground, U.S. Marines reportedly raised the American flag outside a cell phone store Thursday after defeating a group of skateboarding teenagers. “Victory!” cried out 1st Lt. Eric Mullaney, who wiped the sweat and grime from his brow and gazed up at the poignant sight of the billowing Stars and Stripes as it flew outside the small but strategic city strip mall. “It was a daunting five-minute battle, but we held our ground. May freedom ring over this Cricket Wireless! Semper fi!” At press time, sources reported that one of the Marines had tragically fallen in the line of duty after tripping over an electric scooter.