Mom Would Rather Kids Host Freak-Off In Own Basement Instead Of Some Rapper’s House

CLEVELAND—Insisting she preferred the peace of mind that came from knowing who her children were spending time with, local mom Sandra Peck told reporters Tuesday she would rather her kids host a freak-off in their own basement instead of at some rapper’s house. “Of course, I’d rather they not freak-off at all, but if they’re going to do it, I want them and their friends to be safe instead of getting baby oil from some strange rap mogul,” said Peck, arguing that she would be able to monitor her teenage daughters and their classmates as long as they were having a drug-fueled marathon in the family’s finished basement instead of a hip-hop artist’s private estate in Ibiza. “If shit’s going to get crazy, I want them to do it under our roof, period. Sure, some of them might dissociate and make a mess. But we can ultimately clean up the bodily fluids and ecstasy the next day. The important thing is we know where they are. Otherwise, I’m just going to stay up all night worrying.” Peck added that she thought hosting a freak-off could also be a powerful learning experience for her kids about how to responsibly contain legal fallout from such a night through NDAs.