‘My Work Doesn’t Define Me,’ Says Man Who Will Spend 90,000 Hours Of Lifetime At Office

SACRAMENTO, CA—Believing that he was establishing a firm line between who he was as a person and what he did for a living, local man Jordan Wheeler, an employee of Creighton Industries who will ultimately spend 90,000 hours of his lifetime at the office, announced Monday that his work did not define him. According to witnesses, the 27-year-old proudly declared “I am more than just my job,” despite the fact that his 50-hour workweek will continue to leave him too exhausted to pursue any outside hobbies for decades to come. Wheeler, who will go on to work at the same office well into his 70s, reportedly called the place of employment in which he will spend a third of his adult life “just a paycheck” and “a temporary gig until I find what I’m really passionate about,” even though the few social engagements outside of the office he will participate in over the coming years will be with coworkers, with whom he will mostly talk about work. At press time, Wheeler reportedly spoke enthusiastically about his love for music, despite the fact that he will never spend more than six cumulative hours of his life playing his guitar.