Nintendo Warns Users Not To Remove Protective Foreskin From Switch 2

REDMOND, WA—Issuing a warning before the console’s highly anticipated launch this week, Nintendo announced Tuesday that users of the Switch 2 should not remove its protective foreskin. “When unwrapping your new Switch 2, please be careful not to peel off the device’s highly sensitive frenulum,” said Nintendo spokesperson Jason Knight, explaining that the thin, retractable skin fold contained tens of thousands of nerve endings, and severing them amounted to “console mutilation.” “While some prefer the look of a circumcised Switch, the foreskin greatly enhances gameplay. Peeling off your console’s foreskin can lead to decreased sensation, reduced enjoyment, and difficulties with button function. Sadly, playing Mario, Zelda, or Animal Crossing will never feel the same.” The spokesperson added that anyone who had inadvertently removed their Switch 2’s foreskin could buy a set of weighted attachments from Nintendo to help grow back the sheath of skin.