No One Sure Why Kristi Noem Wearing Firefighter Helmet, Night-Vision Goggles, High Heels, Wet Suit

WASHINGTON—Racking their brains as they tried to determine the express purpose of the homeland security secretary’s outfit, sources confirmed Monday they were not sure why Kristi Noem was wearing a firefighter helmet, night-vision goggles, high heels, and a wet suit. “Huh, that’s odd, but there must be some kind of reason for it, right?” said one of the sources, who frowned as they took in the sight of the overdressed DHS chief adjusting the quiver of arrows she wore over her back. “We’re in a conference room, but maybe she’s going somewhere afterwards? But where exactly would that be? I don’t remember any of the previous homeland security secretaries wearing that, but maybe I just wasn’t paying attention?” At press time, Noem was reportedly putting on a ghillie suit.