Nobody In White House Sure Who Guy Praying Over Trump Is

WASHINGTON—Although the mysterious stranger has been spotted both on Air Force One and at Mar-a-Lago, an administration official confirmed Wednesday that nobody in the White House was sure who the guy praying over President Donald Trump is. “All anyone knows about this dude is that he showed up at a meeting with the Pentagon top brass a few weeks ago to lead a prayer, and he’s been by the president’s side ever since,” said the official, who spoke to reporters on the condition of anonymity, adding that the man often appears to be in a trance and speaks in tongues while hovering his hands above Trump’s head. “When journalists asked about his identity, the press secretary called them enemies of the state who need to mind their own damn business, but the truth is we don’t have a clue who this man is or if he might be dangerous. No one in the media, the FBI, or even the general public has been able to put a name to the face. The Secret Service has confiscated, like, six snakes from the guy, but he keeps showing up with more and is always handling them in the Oval Office.” At press time, Trump had reportedly appointed the mysterious stranger as the new head of the Federal Reserve.