Study: Most Millennials Will Never Own Swanky Undersea Apartment Where Fish Swim Past Windows

CHICAGO—A study published Friday by the National Association of Realtors concluded that most millennials will never own a swanky undersea apartment where fish swim past the windows. “For the majority of working adults age 29 to 44, the dream of owning a glass-domed apartment on the bottom of the ocean overlooking a vibrant coral reef is simply out of reach,” said the study’s author, Nicolette Wendel, adding that while some millennials do own underwater homes, they are generally in lakes where everything is murky brown and the fish are all boring. “Prior to 1980, the price of a luxury ocean-floor condo with views of tropical fish, manta rays, and sharks was three times the median income, but today it’s six times the median income. If current economic trends continue, the average millennial will be stuck waving to a sea turtle from a conch shell bed only as a renter. Though supplies have increased somewhat as baby boomers downsize, most retro-futuristic sea compounds are being gobbled up by Wall Street.” The study also noted that steel tariffs will significantly increase the costs of renovating old shipwrecks into beautiful seafloor homes.