Trump Escalates Musk Feud By Nuking Mars

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WASHINGTON—After days of listening to the tech billionaire criticize his ‘Big Beautiful Bill,’ President Donald Trump escalated his feud with Elon Musk Friday by nuking Mars. “Elon was ‘wearing thin,’ I asked him to leave, and then I blew up his stupid planet that no one else cared about,” Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social just moments after launching the entire U.S. stockpile of nuclear weapons in outer space. “I don’t mind Elon turning against me, but I should have blown up Mars months ago. This is one of the Greatest Bills ever presented to Congress. Good luck WITH YOUR COLONY NOW!” At press time, Musk tweeted that Trump only blew up Mars because the planet knew what the president had done with Jeffrey Epstein.

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